i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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