Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
