why didn't you poke me back
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
