its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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