your room smells of hookers.
And success
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
