so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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