I just pynch a tree in the face
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
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