he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
