you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
