omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
