I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
