the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Sorry my hands just texted you
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
