Little spoons don't ask big questions
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
