I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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