They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
