Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize