is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
