You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
