we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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