You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
