Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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