Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
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