Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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