Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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