The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
