I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
