Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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