complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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