You made me cry and you don't even care
It's Friday. Sex?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
