Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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