it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
