she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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