Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize