i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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