I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
