I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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