he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize