dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
