if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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