i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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