1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
