Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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