wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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