p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
