i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
