remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
