I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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