i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
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He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
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So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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