Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
