they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
