I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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