Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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