Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
