We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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