i think my mom watched the whole time
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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