Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
