Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
