hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
