I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
And then he peed in my hair
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