Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
