Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I intend to get homeless drunk
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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