i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
