I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
