it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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