I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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