I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
